Something You Can Do, Part 2

A Fairfax & Glew Tale

Glew drove along Hookville’s south side. He stared ahead like a sentinel. He weaved around a stopped car. A traffic light up ahead flipped to yellow. Glew coasted through it.

Fairfax nudged his arm. “You’re doing good.”

Glew glanced at him.

Fairfax nodded. “Really.”

Glew pointed ahead at a white car. “An un-marked cop car?”

“I don’t see a spot light. That’s not their usual model either. It’s older and you know they don’t scrimp on their comfort.”

Glew cruised by the car. He parked on the shoulder by the guardrail of the Wishy River. Fairfax stepped out. The black clear sky winked at him. A warmth whispered through the air.

I’m living the dream.

Fairfax swung the back hatch door open. He tore the tape from Rainy’s mouth.

“Let me out now!! I’m going to call the police and tell them everything about all this. I got a cousin who works over there. You didn’t know that. Did you?”

Glew shook.

Fairfax put his hand on the back hatch door. “You want to help us with the purse finding? Four eyes are better than two.”

“You stick it up your-”

Fairfax slammed the hatch in Rainy’s face. Rainy yelled through the doors. Muffles about “changing his mind” and “maybe helping a little” shook the door.

Fairfax said, “Drive him around for ten minutes and then we’ll let him help.”

Glew climbed into the Jeep. Fairfax stared at the river below. Glew got out and walked back around to the back. He opened the door. Rainy protested. Bumping followed. Fairfax stepped back onto the road. “Glew?”

Glew shut the door and held up a roll of duct tape. “I’ll drive him around but I’m not listening to him.”

Fairfax climbed over the guardrail onto the riverbank, peering down by the light of his flashlight beam into the murky, brown water. A plastic to-go box with “Regal Peter’s” printed on the top floated there along with a candy bar wrapper. On the bank of a tiny island across from him, a broken lawn chair sat upright as if it expected a guest to drop in. A drink even sat in the arm’s cup holder. Something sat in the mud beside it. It was some sort of doll that resembled...Edgar Allan Poe?

The creatures of the night have waited for me.

Headlights flooded Fairfax’s peripheral vision. So he hunkered down behind the rail. One of the three people who lived out here must have needed a run into town. The car hovered by like a ghost. He peered under the guardrail. The car stopped down the road. He waited. The red glow of brake lights hovered in the black night like two rectangular ghosts. Do rectangle ghosts exist? Do any ghosts exist? Fairfax closed his eyes. An image flashed into his mind of the picture they sought out here- the picture of a dead man. Perhaps his ghost wandered out here, waiting for someone to find the picture. Perhaps it’s in rectangle form. He opened his eyes. The road sat vacant.

But what else is out here in this abyss?

What else?

Oh.

Glew apparently.

Glew pulled up in the Jeep. Fairfax hopped over the guardrail. Glew yanked Rainy out and tore the tape from his mouth again. Rainy screamed. “Ah! I’ll sue you!”

Glew cut the tape on his wrists. Rainy grabbed Glew. Fairfax grabbed Rainy up by his shirt collar and wrestled with him to the guardrail. Rainy shoved his face. Glew shived Rainy back. Fairfax got underneath his arm and tossed him into the waters.

“Goodness, stud. Take it easy.”

Fairfax held his hand out. “You got a bag?”

“A bag?”

“A plastic bag.”

Glew rummaged through the Jeep’s compartments. Rainy splashed around and said, “I’ll sue!” Glew produced a plastic bag. “What do you need it for?”

“Why do you have it with you?”

Glew peered at the sky.

“I’ll holler when I need you.”

Glew sped away. Fairfax placed his cell phone in the plastic bag and returned it to his pocket. Then he drew a breath and sprang over into the murky waters.

Ploosh.

He floated to the surface and shook the brown water from his hair. Rainy rubbed his eyes. “Watch where you sling that water.”

Fairfax splashed water at him. Rainy splashed water back and said, “There! How do you like it? I might catch hypodermatitus in this cold.”

Fairfax turned on the flashlight and aimed the beam ahead. Then he coughed. Rainy shivered but Fairfax took in the warmth from the murky waters.He shined the flashlight’s beam on Rainy whose teeth chattered. A shadowy blue took over his face. He might not make it.

Oh no. Now who would be left to steal ladies’ purses? What a loss to the world.

He handed Rainy a flashlight. “Take this. It will go quicker if we’re both looking.”

“I ain’t doing nothing but swimming back up to the bank and getting out of here and just wait until I spread word about you all. You can bet somebody will be by to pay you a visit.”

Fairfax bopped Rainy’s forehead with the flashlight butt.

“Ow!! Damn it.”

Rainy accepted the flashlight.

“There’s about one car that crosses this bridge every hour. And you need a ride back when this is over. It won’t take long. Just look.”

“I don’t have to-

“No, you don’t have to do anything. You just have to snatch purses to where people get scared to even buy food.”

“Heck, the Grab-N-Gobble ain’t nothing compared to Dill’s Slow-Drip gas station. People get mugged there all the time...from what I hear anyway.”

“Shut up and look.”

Fairfax swam under the bridge, scanning the area with his beam. He checked back over his shoulder. Rainy moved the beam in a hundred directions. He wouldn’t notice Mrs. Jordan’s dead brother’s zombie biting at him at that rate. Still, at least the purse-snatching loser made an effort.

Maybe he takes that “mom” tattoo over his heart...to heart.

Fairfax reached the bridge’s other side where the water became shallow. He stood up and illuminated lots of garbage and one black purse. Rainy swam up behind him. Fairfax turned on him. Rainy put his hands up and trudged to higher ground away. “The purse the friend told me about didn’t look like that. I swear.”

“We’ll see.”

Fairfax waded over and rifled through the purse. An empty bottle of perfume sat in there and nothing else.

Rainy huffed. “It probably washed away.”

“Keep on looking. We’ll find it.”

Rainy mumbled something. Fairfax pointed the beam back in his face. “What’s that?”

Rainy put his head down and searched back over on the other side with his beam darting back and forth. Fairfax shined his beam on ahead. Something snapped behind him. He directed his beam toward the source.

A snapping turtle watched him from an island. Its walnut-sized head sneered at him, picking a fight. It snapped. What a beast. It stepped toward him. Something sat behind it.

Rainy popped back up behind Fairfax and aimed his beam in the same direction. “Ew. Them thangs can all die.”

The turtle took another step toward them. The object came into full view. They both held their beams on it.

“Wait. Hell, that’s it!”

“You’re sure that’s it?”

“I am positive. I mean, that’s exactly how... ‘they’ described it.”

“Hhmm. You want to go in and get it?”

“No, you can’t make me get in there with that thang. No.”

“All right.”

Fairfax swam on by a few trees and some garbage onto the island. He climbed onto a stump. The snapping turtle opened its mouth. He took a breath and jumped onto the island behind the turtle.

The creature stepped toward the water. He snatched the creature up. Rainy cheered. “You got it! Show it who’s boss!”

“Gladly!”

Fairfax tossed the snapping turtle at Rainy. Rainy screamed. The turtle hit his chest. He fell into the water.

Fairfax picked up the purse. He flipped through it. Only a goddess-shaped keychain lay in there. He shook his head and lifted it into the air. Then he opened it and zipped open the other compartment. He dug inside. He pulled out a picture. A man posed in the picture in a backyard, smiling. His green tear-shaped eyes resembled those of Mrs. Jordan’s. He slipped the picture into the plastic bag with his cell phone.

Rainy stood up out of the water, screaming. Fairfax shushed him. Then he removed his phone from the plastic bag and dialed up Glew who answered on the first ring. “Yeah, I got it. Come on.”

Rainy swam like a killer whale back to the bridge where he took several deep breaths. Fairfax waited until Glew’s headlights lessened the darkness and tossed the purse onto the bridge. Then he dove back into the water and climbed up the bank to the bridge.

Rainy crawled out of the water. “That thang about tore my arm off!”

Fairfax wiped water from his eyes. “You and arms. Good lord.”

Fairfax jumped over the guardrail next to Glew’s jeep. Glew opened the passenger side door. A beach towel covered the seat. Fairfax tossed the purse inside.

Rainy flipped over the guardrail. “All right, now. You just better-

Fairfax hopped into the jeep. Glew took off down the road. Rainy ran after them. He raced near them, touching their bumper. His torn shirt flapped in the red glow from Glew’s brake lights. The purse-snatcher wore a ghostly pallor. Then he tripped and stumbled into a ditch. They laughed themselves back to Hookville.

***

Glew parked in front of Mrs. Jordan’s house the next afternoon. He looked at Fairfax. “You’re coming in. Right, partner?”

“You better know it, partner.”

“Thanks, partner.”

“Knock it off.”

Mrs. Jordan opened the front door. Glew handed her the picture. She took it and stared at it. She covered her mouth. “Oh my...oh...”

She backed into her living room and collapsed onto her sofa. Glew sat beside her. Fairfax entered and closed the front door. She hugged Glew’s neck. His Panama hat fell to the floor. She picked it up and placed it back on his head. It hung off to one side. He reached for the hat. She hugged him again. “I never thought I’d see this again. My goodness...you guys are just...my goodness!”

Glew grinned with the crooked hat. “We’re happy to help.”

“He had great instincts about people. He hated my husband right off the bat.”

“Hindsight’s always crystal clear.”

She waved Fairfax over. Then she grabbed Glew’s hand. Fairfax stepped over. She grabbed his hand, too. “This is so nice. I haven’t been around...well...his type of people...down-to-earth types in a long time...you two guys...I think you would like him.”

Fairfax said, “It’s mighty nice to have somebody like that...to go fishing with and sit outside with.”

“It really is. I’ve always felt like a piece of life has been missing since he’s been gone. I only had one brother.”

“I’ve got two but I’d rather have him.”

Mrs. Jordan chuckled. Her wet cheeks shined. Glew rubbed her shoulder and grinned at Fairfax. She dried her eyes.

Fairfax held up a can of pepper spray toward her. “Take this, miss. You shop at the Grab-N-Gobble grocery store anytime you want.”

“Yes. Arm me.”

“And never forget. You can fight back. There’s always something you can do.”

Mrs. Jordan thanked Fairfax and Glew again. They strolled to the front door. Glew opened it up.

“Hey!”

They turned.

Mrs. Jordan aimed an old-fashioned instant camera at them. They ducked. She snapped a picture. The photo exited the camera. She shook it a few times and showed it to them. Glew had his arms out and his hat tipped to one side. Fairfax had his head down and his fists ready. She beamed. “Now I’ve got two special pictures.” She taped her brother’s picture onto the refrigerator and then taped theirs next to it.

Fairfax and Glew left the Jordan house and climbed into the Jeep. Glew said, “Man, that’s nice. I bet her brother’s smiling right now.”

“He sounds like a cool dude.”

Glew started the Jeep and drove them away in no hurry. Fairfax stared out the window. Glew said, “You got something on your mind?”

“Rainy.”

“That idiot. What about him?”

Fairfax rubbed his chin. “He mentioned Dill’s Slow Drip gas station being a rough place.”