Hawks, Lost and Found

Ray Purloin hiked up the rugged trail on a balmy Friday afternoon. He wore a black dress shirt with black cargo pants and black boots. His also black belt held a rope with an attached grappling hook and a club which was not black. He'd been meaning to run by the Home Depot for black spray paint, but Vivian pushed their intimate time to the point that something had to be sacrificed. He was also operating during the day which sort of negated the need for black attire, but the schedule trumped the fashion requirements. He reached the crest of the hill and peered up at the two-story, Queen Anne-style abode and caught his breath. Then he slipped on his black ski mask which cost him a bit of breath. He pulled it from his face and took a few more breaths. Vivian's insatiable hunger kept him out of breath most of the time and maybe this would be too much. But the prize...oh, no. It would all be just fine. He let the mask slap back on his face (which also reminded him of Vivian) and hustled forward.

He slipped over the property's fence and dropped into the backyard. A red squirrel took notice of him. He waved to the tiny beast. The squirrel dropped some seeds from his mouth in response- RUDE. Ray hustled over to the side of the house and peered up. Yes. His cell phone buzzed. He checked it- Vivan again- 'Tell me.' She'd started the joke one night after a rare visit to the grocery store where she heard a Plebian call another Plebian “purdy” or their lower-class word for pretty. He texted back, 'You're purdy.' Then he stuffed it into his pants and removed the rope from his belt and swung it five times and then hurled the hook toward the open window.

Tink.

The hook dropped onto his black boot. He picked it up and took his time and swung the rope seven times and then...ran the hook into the wall. The squirrel appeared behind him. He waved again. The squirrel looked up at the window with its mouth open. Ray ducked down. The squirrel seemed paralyzed.

My God, what could be up there?

Ray ventured a glance up at the window. It was open like before. It was exactly the same as before. He turned to the squirrel. The beast was gone.

Jerk.

Ray gave the rope ten swings this time and made it through the open window. He pulled until it caught and then pulled it taught. His uncle told him one time about Ray, Sr. lassoing a whole statue and taking off with it, but Ray knew the truth. The only thing Ray, Sr. lassoed was Ray's mom and only long enough to bring Ray into this world before hitting the road. His uncle just wanted to think the old man was worth something. He wasn't worth anything, especially any statue, and certainly not the statue awaiting Ray up there beyond that window.

Ray struggled up the rope, shifting and breathing through the stifling ski mask. His face became its own mask of sweat and funk and hazy vision almost to the point of blindness. It was a lot like making love to Vivian. He grabbed the window. His hand slipped right off. Perhaps gloves were a bad choice. “Oh...God.” Ray twirled on the rope in limbo, reaching and not finding. He brought his hand up to his mouth but the ski mask was twisted on his face over his mouth and so he tried to rearrange the mask with his gloved hand which provided no grip at all and so he twirled there, fighting with his own face. “Oh...oh...uck...brump...” He stuck his tongue all the way out. Then he grabbed his own tongue and used his fingers to push the mask aside. Then he bit on the glove's fingertip and freed his sweaty hand. He tossed the glove and grabbed the windowsill and then tore the other glove off and grabbed the sill with two sweaty hands and pulled. He took a breath and made a weird face and let out a weird grunt. “Umbah!” He dove into the room.

This room served as a study for the owner. It was lined with bookshelves with books on them or perhaps those fake book things that look like four or five classics bound together but were just empty inside. Ray straightened the mask on his face. Then he spat out some mask fuzz. He removed the mask and breathed. The statue stood right in the spot Vivian told him about- to the right side of the doorway. Ray marched over there. The golden statue was in the shape of a hawk, looking up which was odd since he always pictured hawks as looking down on their prey. He patted the statue's head. Vivian already had a buyer. The bird would convert into more passionate nights for him...or her...or them, kind of.

Ray pulled a black bag from his back pocket and slipped the statue inside and then tied it around his belt. He headed for the window and then sat on the sill and grabbed the top of the window and took a few breaths. He had his eyes wide and his mouth in the “O” shape, huffing and puffing.

A man strolled into the room and grabbed a book from a shelf. Then he stopped and watched Ray who maintained the same “O” shaped face.

Oh, God...

Upton Price...

Vivian was his fourth wife, the scum...

Of course, he was Vivian's third husband...

But still, the crooked real estate broker...

The greedy shill!

And he's looking directly at me!

With my bare, O-shaped face!

Vivian said he always works late on Fridays!

I'm ruined!

Upton took his book downstairs.

What?

Ray got off the window and then put his mask back on. Then he took it back off. He removed the club from his belt and then he paused and set the statue on the rug. Technically, he hadn't taken anything, after all. So, he stalked through the open doorway with the club ready. He peered over the balcony edge. Upton sat upon his sofa...reading the book.

Ray made his way downstairs and crept up closer to the greedy scumbag. He had definitely called the...wait. Upton's cell phone sat on a table by the window that overlooked the side yard where a mouse hopped on the sill, almost like it was trying to get Upton's attention.

That mouse is mocking me...

I'll let him know that-

What the hell am I thinking?

Ray gripped his club behind his back and crept within ten feet of the seated Upton Price. “What's the deal here?”

Upton flipped a page in the book. Apparently, some of the books in the study were real.

Ray said, “I'm going to leave and I'm going to take your phone. You never saw me. We have a deal?”

Upton closed the book and mouthed some words.

Ray said, “What are you saying?”

Upton didn’t say.

“Look, pal, let's just make this easy.”

Upton kept on with the silent mouth-work, kind of mouse-like.

“We got a deal?”

Upton looked straight at Ray.

Like Vivian told you...

Do what you have to do if he gets testy...

Upton said, “No deal.”

“Look, it's the best deal you can get right now.”

Upton didn't flinch. He said, “Verner won't sell.”

“Huh?”

“Verner won't sell. This deal has taken far too long, and he's bargained plenty which is normal but this latest demand over the pool...no, he won't sell. The pool isn't important.”

“Uh...huh.”

Upton toyed with his lips, now staring at the Persian rug on the floor.

Wow...

Vivian would like that, too...

Back to business...

Ray opened his mouth.

Upton leaped to his feet and said, “In this business, you have to care about timing. This market is perfect for him to sell right now but the old hawk won't listen.”

“Um...hawk?”

“Sure. He's a building contractor- shrewd as he can get. He's just stalling with this 'pool' business. He's looking for something in Twisted Oaks.”

Ray blinked a few times. “Up in the hills?”

“That's the place. But none of those folks are selling in this market. They all have kids in school and most of them work for the same law firm. I play golf with half of them. So does Verner. He's playing footsie with Handerbeek.”

“Beek? Is he a hawk, too?”

“He's kind of cuddly, actually. But his wife has claws and gnarly fangs. A real beast. I steer clear. Still, I need this sale. I've got to get Verner to see things the right way. He'd be better off with a place in Bent Brush.”

Ray sighed.

Upton looked at him. “Surely, you have no problem with Bent Brush.”

Ray did an iffy thing with his free hand. “It's kind of cookie-cutter.”

“Well...”

Why am I disagreeing with him?

Hell, why am I talking to him?

He's about to let me have it...

Upton looked him up and down. “You're right, by golly.”

“Oh? Um, yeah. That's right.”

Upton shook a finger. “That's the whole deal. Verner wants character. His own place has no character but now that the wife is gone...he's in it for himself. I mean, hell, he's got the retro furniture and his back deck needs a few weather treatments, but he likes the cracked boards, even the warped boards. Damn. It's character. That's what he's after. Twisted Oaks has plenty of that and Bent Brush has as much character as a Chick-Fil-A.”

Ray frowned. “They have good sandwiches.”

“But no character.”

Upton paced around.

Ray slipped his club behind a sofa cushion.

Upton turned to him. “Humming Sweetgums. Now that place has character. And it's in Verner's price range.”

“Do they have pools?”

“Forget the pool. His wife liked the pool. You could take one look at Verner and know that no one wants to see him in a set of trunks. He's a droopy wart hog.”

“Wives tend to like pools.”

Upton glared at him. “And ex-wives.”

Oh great...

Here comes the hammer now...

“Well...Mr. Price...the thing is-

“My ex-wife.”

Ray swallowed. “Yes.”

Upton wagged a finger. “Her new ex-husband lives in Humming Sweetgums. I know his proctologist. I'm sure he has extensive damage after she got through.”

Hhmm...

Which ex-wife?

Surely not Vivian...

Upton grabbed his phone. Ray leaned on the sofa where his club rested behind the cushion. Upton dialed and turned back toward him, but he focused on some place beyond this house. He spoke into the phone. “Hey. You splitting the atom yet?” Another voice came on the line. Upton listened for a moment. Then he said, “Yes, that's right. Where are you two kids eating?” The voice came back on. It was definitely a male voice. Upton waved at nothing. “Okay, sure, sure. It's fine. Can you shoot a text to Dr. Probert's son and let him know I'm going to call? Well...it's good to get the wheels rolling. The doctor can be a difficult fellow sometimes and I need his help. Okay. Thank you. Have a good night, son.”

Upton hung up and placed his phone back on the table. Then he paced around. Ray said, “How's your son doing?”

Upton stopped. “He's really thriving at college. He's with his girlfriend. He just doesn't have any time for me these days. But well, that's what a father has to deal with.”

Wow...

Upton paced again. He kept mouthing words to himself. The man lived in his own little world. Vivian never mentioned this. She also never mentioned that he had a son and actually wanted to see him. Upton's phone buzzed. He checked it and then he made his call to that butt-doctor dude. Ray left him to his own world of real estate deals and slipped back upstairs. He checked his phone where another message awaited him. 'LOL. Tell me again.'

When does she tell me I'm purdy?

Or that I'm anything of value?

He stuffed the phone and picked up the hawk statue in the bag. Then he tested the grappling hook on the window. Upton was still talking. Ray could just take off and the guy wouldn't notice or maybe he didn't care or maybe it didn't matter. Did it?

Ray leaned out the window and peered down at the trimmed grass below, along with the massive, humming HVAC unit. Upton said, “Good news.”

Ray dropped the statue out the window and turned to Upton. “Oh yeah?”

Upton pointed to him with his phone. “Dr. Probert's going to the ex-husband's party tomorrow night and warm him up to the idea, but he says he's already mentioned selling the place. And then I just have to get Verner to bite.” He spun around and hopped in the air. An electric sander couldn't have removed his smile. Ray grinned. “That's great, Upton. I'm glad everything's working out.”

Upton said, “That means a lot. I'm headed to Outback Steakhouse. I need onions to help my brain bloom another idea. Come on. It's on me. What was your name?”

Ray's knees buckled. He backed up to the window- the open window. He steered himself to where his back was against the wall. “Oh, Mr. Price, I'm not sure I should...”

Upton's face shrank to a droop.

Mom said I looked like that the one time the bastard was supposed to visit...

Upton's probably looked like that a lot because of his son...

What a lousy world...

Upton turned and headed for the door.

Lousy world...

But does it have to be?

Upton reached the hardwood floor down below and picked up his car keys. Ray hustled down the stairs. “Hey, Mr. Price. I'll go.”

Upton turned. The light returned to his face. He extended his hand. Ray shook it. “I'm Ray, Ray Pur...dy.”

“I hope you like a good steak, Ray Purdy.”

“I sure do.”

“I'll fill you in on the Hoskins deal. We’ll make a night of it..unless you have a girlfriend waiting for you.”

“She can wait.”